Signs You’re Addicted to Hot Cheetos.


  1. The phrase, “I ain’t got no type,” takes on a whole new meaning for you. AKA, you love and cherish every single kind of Hot Cheetos there are in the world.
  2. You know Hot Cheetos with nacho cheese are amazing … but you also know that Xxtra Flamin’ Hot Cheetos with nacho cheese are more of a religious experience.
  3. You deeply and harshly judge people when they hit you with, “Oh, I can’t eat [Insert whichever variety of Hot Cheetos your weak-sauce face can’t eat]. They’re too spicy for me.” I’m aggressively side-eyeing you!
  4. The reason of your existence was discovered when the Xxtra Flamin’ Hot Cheetos went on the market. There’s a big possibility that you might die, or at least just spend a long period of time severely depressed, if those are ever discontinued.
  5. You know the regular Hot Cheetos are sort of weak now, because those circa-2003 Hot Cheetos they sold in middle school actually left your prepubescent tongue ablaze.
  6. You don’t crave cheesecake, donuts or even just regular chips. No. Your main, most-burning craving is for Hot Cheetos.
  7. One of the first questions you ask when invited to a party or a friend’s house is not whether there’ll be free Wi-Fi (don’t get me wrong, that comes second), but actually whether there will be Hot Cheetos there.
  8. If the answer to the previous question is no, then the next question is usually something along the lines of: “Can I bring my own bag of Hot Cheetos to the party?”
  9. You’re well aware of the health risks you’re taking on by eating Hot Cheetos so frequently and in such large quantities, but how can anyone resist that spicy and crunchy goodness? I’m sorry, stomach. (Kind of.)
  10. You’re dying to attempt making Hot Cheeto mozzarella sticks, because why the hell not?! You know it’s probably going to change your life.
  11. You have considered dressing up as a Hot Cheeto for Halloween (Left Shark is a close second on that list).
  12. Your biggest pet-peeve is opening a brand new bag, after having craved them for so long, and realizing that they don’t have that much seasoning or chile *insert rage attack here.*
  13. Going an entire week without Hot Cheetos of any kind is an accomplishment.
  14. Not finishing a whole $1.99 bag of Hot Cheetos in one sitting is an accomplishment.
  15. Not stopping at the nearest gas station after the gym to get a bag of Hot Cheetos is an accomplishment.
  16. You’ve had actual arguments with friends about whether Xxtra Flamin’ Hot Cheetos actually exist or not (Angela, I’m looking right at you. They exist!).
  17. You have an emergency stash in multiple places, ranging from your desk (guilty!) and your nightstand drawer (guilty!) to the glove compartment in your car (guilty!).
  18. You were told once a certain someone was planning on giving you a basket/bouquet of a variety of Hot Cheetos as a gift instead of flowers (which never actually happened, by the way).
  19. You remember a glorious time when Hot Cheetos Asteroids existed and came in a resealable black cup.
  20. You can’t make a grocery trip to Wal-Mart, or wherever you fulfill your grocery necessities, without buying a big bag of heaven.
  21. You recently found out that a local sushi place is currently offering a roll with Hot Cheeto crumbs and you already set a date to go to this sushi place because not trying that Hot Cheeto roll is practically a sin.
  22. A bag of Hot Cheetos is an essential necessity on a road trip.
  23. If it’s true that Carl’s Jr. is testing a Flamin’ Hot Cheetos burger, then you need to find out right meow because, holy shit, you need that in your life.
  24. After eating healthy all week long, you consider it the greatest reward to reward yourself with Hot Cheetos at the end of the week because you deserve that shit, obviously.
  25. “Hot Cheetos and Takis” is the anthem of your life.

Am I the only one? Yeah? Okay … it’s not like I didn’t know that already. Now, excuse me while I go get myself a big bag of love.


3 thoughts on “Signs You’re Addicted to Hot Cheetos.

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