Damn you, Game of Thrones.

I’m still in psychogenic shock thanks to last night’s season finale of Game of Thrones. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m way too confused for my own good. The amount of questions quickly circling my unresponsive brain is too high to be normal or healthy.

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I don’t think I’ve been in this state of just total distress since perhaps the Red Wedding … and that was a whole new kind of brutal. The amount of cliffhangers we got in last night’s episode is unnecessarily cruel. So cruel that I’ve just given up on choosing favorites ever again because clearly, it’s pointless.

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But can we just throwback-Thursday-but-on-a-Monday to last time I wrote about Game of Thrones, when I mentioned that Olly was going to ruin everything? I knew it, that little shit. But with all the conspiracy theories floating around in the Internet machine, all I have left to do for the next nine months until the new season comes out is perhaps read the books, try to recover or quit the show “cold turkey.”

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HA. Who am I kidding? I’m probably not quitting. Anyway, for those of you out there still struggling to recover from that shitstorm we were handed last night, here’s a hilarious remake of Titus Andromedon’s absolutely genius “Peeno Noir” (if you don’t know what the hell “Peeno Noir” is, then go watch Netflix’s “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” right meow).

And here’s the original ode to black penis!

Okay, back to uncontrollable ugly crying.

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-V

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