Dreams are a peculiar thing. They can be inspiring, motivating, but sometimes saddening. They can be small and attainable, or they can be huge and far-fetched. My upbringing led me more in the direction of keeping my feet on the ground and only dipping your toes, but never really diving into anything with eyes closed and unwavering faith on the unknown. In spite of that, I’ve always been strong-willed and I’ve always had big dreams.

One of my all-time dreams is to see as much of the world as I can.

That is not to say that I have this fairytale, “Eat, Pray, Love” idea of the world; I don’t necessarily believe that traveling will lead me to find love or some other romantic-travel-novel bullshit self-fulfillment. Not after actually surviving a four-day home-stay in Bali almost three years ago anyway; but that’s another story.

At the end of the day, I want to end up on my deathbed with the self-assured satisfaction that I did everything I could possibly do to see, learn and live as much as I possibly could.

I consider myself fairly passionate about writing and traveling. While those may seem like sinking weights in a sea of “real world” issues and realities that should carry more priority, such as paying rent or buying a house, enrolling in a 401k program, and perhaps even starting a family, they’re part of what keeps me going. I know you haven’t seen much of my writing in a while. I want to believe that after months of living sans meaningful writing, I’m done feeling sorry for myself in regards to writing.

So, why did I let my writing fall into a crippling hiatus? It’s not entirely easy to maintain creativity and uniqueness while living in a world so majorly dependent on social media, where people follow trends religiously and so often get inspired by what other people are doing that it gets to the point where some believe that adding the hashtag #fashionblogger to your Instagram posts actually makes you a fashion blogger. For a short while, I gave up.

Admitting defeat is one of the most-difficult things for me to do, but there it is. I didn’t want to do the same thing a lot of people were doing and I felt like I allowed myself to lose the magic I had  previously found in writing.

Am I throwing shade? Am I whining like a wannabe hipster who doesn’t want to do what other people are doing? Perhaps. Perhaps, I mistakenly let myself get annoyed with the heaps of people trying to do the same thing, to have their voices heard in the same way that I am. But how else are we going to get things done, other than by actually doing?

What is the point of this wordy blog post that people may or may not even read? Well, to declare myself on the path of more-responsible spending habits, to vow to maintain a larger focus on saving money, and to mark a stop to my writing hiatus. I expect this to slowly, but surely, take me closer to my goal.

I want to travel and I want to write.

For now, breaking my online-shopping and pointless-spending habits is first on the list. I’m vowing to from now on document all my transactions the old-fashioned way: by writing them down. I’m paying off my credit card balances with my next two paychecks.

I’m turning 24 in a little less than a month, but I believe it’s still early enough to become a responsible spender. I’m certain I’ll run into obstacles along the way, but this time I won’t give up so easily.

Next stops: Mexico City in July and possibly New York in August. Wish me well!

-V